We’ll take sex whenever we can get it, but we also grudgingly acknowledge that scientists aren’t just screwing around when they talk about the virtues of a well-timed tryst. Eager to find a better way to use our hands (the ones on our watch), we conducted field research and discovered through exhaustive and exhausting data collection that timing is, in fact, everything.
Don’t worry. We took a break in there to talk to a researcher.
Wake and Quake: 7:00 am – 10:00 am
While morning sex sometimes feels less than ideal – you have sleep in your eyes, dragon breath, the night sweats, and, probably, a hangover – a sunrise shag is actually healthy. “That’s when testosterone levels peak,” says Dr. Harry Fisch, author of Size Matters. “When a man has higher testosterone and is well-rested, he has more energy during sex. That energy will help him last longer.” You hear that, guys? Last longer. As in, you’re a sex god. Your woman won’t know what got into you, but she will love what’s gotten into her.
And that’s not all. It turns out that the rush of AM endorphins actually lowers blood pressure and stress levels and makes for a more upbeat rest of the day. “Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection,” adds Fisch. “And climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen and testosterone, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair.”
Yes, that orgasm makes you look good.
Afternoon Delight: 12:00 pm – 3:00 pm
You know what sucks? Looking down at your watch and realizing it’s only noon on a Wednesday. You know what’s awesome? What scientists know about the therapeutic value of sex as stress relief. Our advice: Put down your sorry sandwich and take your humpday to the next level by sneaking off for an afternoon quickie. Not only are you breaking up your day nicely, but the afternoon sex session also has the added bonus of being extra naughty and secretive as you should be getting your work done. You’ll strut, not walk, back into the office less anxious, full of confidence and ready to attack the rest of your day.
Just don’t fall asleep at your desk.
Bed Time: 8:00 pm – 11:00 pm
Only having sex at night is like only eating vanilla ice cream for dessert: It makes sense in precisely the wrong way. After all, you’re tired, you’ve had a long day, you’ve been dreaming of face-planting into your pillow for hours. We get it. We’ve been there. However, sex can actually help you sleep better. Like a drug, sex sets off certain chemical reactions in the brain that give us feelings of euphoria. Post-O, your body releases oxytocin and endorphins, aka, the feel-good hormones, which often have a sedative effect. So, next time you’re in bed and your lady does that thing where she pushes up against you mid-spoon, do yourself a favor and push back. You’ll feel better both immediately and in the morning.
Night Moves: Midnight – 3:00 am
You know what they say, after the party is the after-party. Whether you’re at home, at a hotel or in a bar, late night sex can be either incredibly sexy or incredibly disappointing. In the late evening hours, you’ll either surprise your woman with something spontaneous or with your demonstrable lack of enthusiasm. One too many at the bar will do you like that. Regardless, risk it. You’ll most likely get to see a boob, which ain’t nothing. And the serious stuff can always wait for the AM.
Morning sex is the most important meal of the day. While we would never recommend shooting down a romp in the sack depending on the time of day, we do suggest getting your rocks off in the raw morning hours. You’ll look better, feel better – and seriously – why not start the day with an orgasm?
Get up and at ’em. The clock is ticking.